An Open Letter to My Facial Hair

You have probably seen me sharing photos on all social media platforms in swimsuits, fun dresses and those lovey couples photos. Recently I shared the photo below on Pantsuit Nation. There were so many positive incredible comments with other women sharing their PCOS stories.

Of course, as a woman living in a fat body I was expecting the health related comments and disparaging remarks about my body. What I wasn’t expecting was the comment and messages about my facial hair.

This open letter to my FACIAL HAIR is my way of tackling the issue, coping with the harsh reality of my body being judged and hoping that this will inspire others.

The moderators of Pantsuit Nation went ABOVE AND BEYOND the call of duty to remind people of the rules and stand up for me in the few negative comments. I commend them for their hard work.

Plus size woman wearing a bikini sitting on the edge of a hottub

Dear Facial Hair,

In the last year or so the few spartic hairs on my face have turned into full grown side burns, a patch of hair on my chin and something I can’t help but notice all the time.

In pictures – you used to fade into the background not even noticeable but now you are impossible to miss. In my lifelong struggle with my gender identify and presentation you are by far the greatest thing to throw me off my game.  Sure I was always here queer and fat but I never quite knew what to do with hair I didn’t ask for.

Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: If this were me, I'd at least tame that chin hair. but this isn't me, and I think what you're doing is great. All bodies are different and

I’m still quite confused by you, and honestly you make me quite uncomfortable but today is the day I decide that I will truly battle with my feeling that  you make me less than feminine and how uncomfortable you make me feel rather than thinking of you as the enemy.

Honestly – this is a hard choice to make. Sure I can remove you with razors or wax or even threading. You’ll come back quickly of course and in the meantime leave my skin broken and angry. I’m frustrated with you. I’m finally in a place where I love my self fully and share that with the world and now you come along. You can into my life quickly with no warning or hesitation, not even giving me a moment to breath consider and accept the consequences.

Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: Daniel Fortunato the beard...

I’m already shaped in a “manly” way, with wide shoulders two sizes larger then the rest of me, a waist that isn’t cinched to quote a designer “Interesting… only 7 inches difference between you waist and your hips.”

Adding you to my face so rapidly makes me constantly question my femininity. People call me sir. When you have already spent years questioning your gender there is no bigger blow to your confidence then wearing a dress and getting called sir.

Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: But the chin hair? I'm all about get out and flaunt it but, chin hair?

Maybe you are here to challenge me and my thoughts and my brain definitely gets it. My heart on the other hand is kinda flustered. I’m constantly fiddling with you, trying to learn to love your wispy strands and delicate dark curls.

I know that not everyone feels like this about you and this is only my experience, my struggle and my own tangled thoughts. Not everyone thinks of you the way I do, and not everyone with facial hair even is concerned about you.

It’s time I embrace you and the uniqueness that you add to my life. Just like my scars, just like my stretch marks, you are now a part of my every day reality. Spending my energy stressing out about the way my face looks is like trying to change my shoe size. You are hear in my life and I must accept you.

Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: those chin hairs though. that's an easy fix. no excuse.

While I’m not committing to not removing you from my life at all, I need to accept you. I’m tired of fighting.

In a recent post, woman pointed out how disturbing and disgusting you were. I felt like I was back in high school with grown women jabbing at my pain and my insecurities. It felt like the whole message I was portraying got lost to them because of a few strands of you on my double, ok, maybe triple chin. It hurt me to my core. I don’t understand why something that I litrally can’t prevent causes such reactions.

Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: Cmon WTH !! Chin hair ????...I can't ppl crack me up why would you post this picture? You couldn't tell us without it . Disturbing !!!!!!

I’m going to come to peace with you. It’s a simple as the fact that I must or else I just found another reason to tear my body down. To break my spirit.

With love and hope,


Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: Fabulous... but you could use a shave...

Folks, I’m committed to challenging society’s beliefs around what a woman SHOULD and SHOULDN’T do. I’ve always been a believer in a women’s right to choose what to do with her body. Choice does not stop at abortion. Choice extends to what you wear, how you present your body to the world, what you eat and most definitely whether you remove your facial hair.

Choice does not end at the doorstep of slim white “healthy” women and neither does respect and human decency. If people of color, fat people, people with disabilities and others are left behind by the choice movement then your liberalism is flawed. It’s hypocritical.

Screenshot of a comment bubble that says: Privately sister, laser hair removal works. I've been there, not just stares, looks but irritation and scaring. You will be happier.

I’m not an activist.

I’m a regular woman who thinks sharing my story might touch a few hearts and soul. I don’t deserve disparagement EVEN if you don’t agree with me or if my body makes you uncomfortable.

Follow my journey. I’m an automotive educator and empowerment blogger. My place in the world involved uplifting women and LGBT people and teaching them about their cars teaching them about their cars, the car buying process, about loving their bodies and wearing WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE. I don’t just share my successes but also my failures.

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